Bullying or Biblical Confrontation?

Last edited 12.20.24

Opening Thoughts:

(NASB1995 is used for all scripture unless otherwise stated.)

I asked Jesus about the way one person used to rudely "correct me" with their point of view when, several times, I expressed my feelings about some things.

"LORD, were they wise or being an agent for You by correcting me like that? I mean, was I just being stupid, inappropriate, or immature that they had no choice but to correct me in that harsh manner?"

My head knowledge knew that, of course, they were wrong to speak to me in such a manner, but sometimes our heart doesn't believe our head knowledge.

I felt some questions arise in my mind:

Question #1: "Were you saying something inappropriate, immature, or stupid?"

My answer: "Well, I was sharing how I genuinely felt based on my experiences and vulnerabilities. Even if it was inappropriate for me to say it, it was coming from a place of hurt or suspicion because of what I had experienced. If I hadn't experienced what I had, I wouldn't have said those things."

Question #2: "Do you think you'd be able to treat someone the way you were treated (rudely corrected) and feel at peace about it?"

My answer: "OMG, LORD, you know how quickly I'm convicted about stuff! I'd be the one feeling messed up after doing something like that to someone else!"

Question #3: "If their response towards you was compassionate instead of rude, would you have learned from them?"

My answer: "Yes, LORD, their compassion would've made me feel like they cared about me, and I would've loved to learn from them."

Question #4: "Before rashly responding, did they take the time to ask you questions to understand why you were feeling how you were? Did they show care about your feelings or your experiences?"

My answer: "No, LORD, I wish they had, because I would've loved to share my feelings so that I could be comforted by them. As soon as I stated my raw feelings, they just "lashed out" with their words. When I am going through things, I yearn to talk about it with people who are caring and wise to help me through it."

After these questions and answers, I felt better that I didn't deserve that treatment. But some doubt still lingered in my heart. However, I gave it all to Jesus and turned my thoughts elsewhere. I am trying to make it a habit to obey 1 Peter 5:7:

Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for he always tenderly cares for you. (TPT)

Notice that even 1 Peter 5:7 shows us how the LORD responds to our vulnerabilities: He's always tenderly caring for us! He doesn't rudely, hastily, or scornfully rebuke us when we approach Him with our worries and stress! On the contrary, He beseeches us to pour out all of our feelings upon Him! Notice that it's His care for us that causes Him to want us to pour out everything to Him - it's a cause and effect statement:

Because He cares, He wants ownership of your vulnerabilities, of everything that threatens you and makes you feel weak:

He said to pour them upon Him, and leave them upon Him!

I could end my blog post right here, and you should be able to understand that those who rebuke you in your genuinely vulnerable moments do not truly care about you.

. . . But I have some deeper revelation to share that will really hit this truth home to you!

How God hit it home to my heart.

Shortly after I finished my Q&A with Jesus and gave the issue over to Him, I started reading a handbook by Mike Murdock and came across 2 Timothy 2:23-24. When I checked the scripture in the Bible and continued reading up to vs. 26, I received remarkable revelation about the issue I was discussing with the LORD! The more I experience life and seek to draw closer to my LORD, the more His WORD becomes my go-to for the final word on everything because His WORD is truth! His WORD truly comforts me because I know it will never lead me into disobedience against my LORD.

Now, let's take a look at 2 Timothy 2:23-26. I have included the Strong's numbers for some of the key words:

But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes. And the servant [G1401] of the Lord must not strive [G3164]; but be gentle [G2261] unto all men, apt to teach [G1317], patient [G420], In meekness [G4236] instructing [G3811] those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will. (2 Timothy 2:23-26 KJV)

While I am aware that the KJV is a bit difficult to read and comprehend, I used it because I want to do a little deep dive with the Strong's numbers to give you a fuller meaning of this scripture that you may not have expected.

servant [G1401]: slave (we do not belong to ourselves, but to God)

strive [G3164]: to war, quarrel, or dispute

gentle [G2261]: affable (friendly, good-natured, easy to talk to), mild, kind

apt to teach [G1317]: instructive (giving useful information)

patient [G420]: enduring of ill, forbearing (calm, sensible and forgiving)

meekness [G4236]: gentleness, humility

instructing [G3811]: to train up a child, educate, teach

But, what does it all mean?

Anyone who is confronting an issue in the right spirit - the Spirit of God! - first remembers that they are a servant/slave of God: therefore, they seek to speak His words, not their own; they seek to accomplish His will and purpose, not their own. This sets their attitude for the confrontation: they are not arrogant, antagonistic, nor seeking to quarrel as if they're trying to create a war of words. Rather, they approach the confrontation and parties involved with a friendly and kind attitude. Their attitude invites conversation because they approach the confrontation with a good-natured attitude instead of an antagonistic one.

Next, this servant of God needs to approach the confrontation as a Godly teacher who is qualified to instruct concerning the issue involved. The person doing the confronting is only qualified if they have received God's wisdom and knowledge concerning the issue - if this is not the case, they are disqualified from confronting the issue because they are not 'apt to teach' concerning the issue at hand. Remember, the servant of God who confronts an issue is doing so to promote God's purpose and will, not for their own satisfaction or ego! Therefore, if they do not know God's purpose and will concerning the issue, they have no Godly, useful information to share and ought to exclude themselves from the matter!

Furthermore, in order to effectively offer Godly, useful information, the servant of God must be willing to do their due diligence to learn and understand the particulars of the issue they're confronting. Otherwise, they would just be making a rash judgement of the limited knowledge and perception they have, which is ungodly and egoistic.

Next, the qualified servant of God must confront the issue with patience, without being quick to be offended by the person they're confronting. This approach requires an attitude of humility, seeking to serve others with God's wisdom and knowledge, rather than wanting to be seen as an important 'know-it-all.' Notice that instructing [G3811] is used in the context of training up a child. In other words, the confrontation should be executed as from the perspective of teaching a child something for their own good, with compassion and gentle patience. As God intended, the elders teaching the child are always knowledgeable and experienced about the issues they're training the child about. They're seeking to equip the child to mature and prosper in the areas of training/confrontation.

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

The reason we train up a child in the Godly way is for permanent results, not for temporarily won battles.

Likewise, Godly confrontation is executed for the permanent benefit of the person being confronted; It's not for boosting the ego of the confronter through winning an argument, nor for venting their frustrations. And it's certainly not for an opportunity to gaslight someone into submission or humiliation.

This leads us to vs. 26 which states the end goal / result of a successful Godly confrontation: The recipient of confrontation is so affected and convicted by the excellent, Godly wisdom and knowledge coming forth from God's servant, that they choose to repent (change their course of action), accept God's truth in the matter, and are set free from the deception and traps of the devil! What a truly wonderful, joyful, satisfying outcome for all involved!

Godly confrontation is therefore a blessing and not a cursing!

How it works.

Now, let's simplify what Godly confrontation should look like:

Qualifiers of the Confronter:

*They are God's servant - obedient to God, and love Him and those they're confronting.

*They are humble, patient, kind, compassionate, and easy to talk to.

*They are experienced and/or have received God's knowledge and wisdom for the issue.

*They are willing to learn and understand the particulars of the issue they're confronting so that they can be fair and compassionate to all involved, and judge with a righteous judgement.

*They are merciful and graceful towards the confronted person because they regard them as a child who needs to be corrected and taught - not in a condescending way, but in a compassionate way - to overcome ignorance and rebellion against God, so that they (child/confronted person) can mature and thrive in their purpose! They are willing to forgive any 'lashing out' by the confronted person.

*They genuinely want the best outcome, freedom, and success for the person they are confronting.

Effects of the Confrontation:

*Every person feels understood and loved.

*There is an environment of respect, compassion, optimism, and transparency.

*There is no impatience in anyone which is often a sign of arrogance, a desire to appease one's ego.

*There is a heart-felt, non-forced, desire by the confronted person to repent and be set free.

*The only heaviness / discomfort felt during and after the confrontation is of pride being subdued to welcome repentance.

*The experience, wisdom and knowledge of God presented during the confrontation is undeniable and strips away the veil of deception!

*Everyone leaves the confrontation feeling refreshed with the presence of God and praising God for His mercy and goodness!

Resolution: My Personal Experience

Now, let's bring this full circle by resolving the doubts I had in my 'Opening Thoughts' section.

Upon studying 2 Timothy 2:23-26, I received the healing revelation that the responses that person had given me were not Godly confrontation.

Their demeanor was unfriendly and impatient, while their words were scolding. Not at any time did they ask me why I felt the way I felt, expressed through my words: They did not show genuine care to learn and understand the particulars of my various situations before rebuking me.

They offered me no Godly wisdom or knowledge, only quick rebukes. They had never experienced my experiences in order to understand my feelings.

Their confrontations made me feel belittled, stupid, hurt, angry, misunderstood, and in some cases, crying in their absence. I was left with the heaviness of feeling worthlessness, condemnation, and confusion. I was confused because I was only innocently sharing my feelings and did not expect such rebukes! The presence of God was nowhere in the confrontations, nor did I feel any redemption offered to me - there was no closure to my feelings, only further wounds.

I began to feel compelled to monitor my words and actions in their presence. I didn't feel free to be genuine about my feelings and struggles, but rather, I felt that I had to "perform" (behave) a certain way to earn their approval and respect. Their confrontations did not result in me receiving freedom, but rather in having more yokes piled unto me.

Their confrontations were not about helping me: they were about making themselves appear bigger at my expense. Or, they were about them using me as a verbal punching bag to relieve themselves from the frustrations of their own life.

I realize now why Jesus asked me those questions in the 'Opening Thoughts' section: He was preparing me for the revelation to come in 2 Timothy 2:23-26. He gave me the standard of His Word and Truth for me to judge that person's words against.

And even if I was a fool with my words, their confrontation is still judged by 2 Timothy 2:23-26.

Closing Thoughts

The entire reason for Godly confrontation is to restore someone to being in the center of God's will and purpose for them! The entire reason for confrontation is for the person being confronted to thrive and prosper in their God-given purpose! The confrontation is focused on benefitting the person receiving the corrective instruction - it's a gift to them, even though they may not see it that way as first!

God knows that confrontation can be very harsh because the very nature and purpose of it is to pierce the ignorance and wrongdoings of our flesh. This is why He set the parameters of 2 Timothy 2:23-26 to make the process as easy as possible! While confrontation pierces the flesh, it builds up our spirit and ultimately sets us free from captivity! Those who choose to repent and receive freedom leave a confrontation feeling healed and blessed, not wounded and cursed!

If the confrontational words of others have wounded you and you have been contemplating whether you deserved it or not, I hope that this study of 2 Timothy 2:23-26 takes healing to your heart and soul.

God doesn't need to wound you with people's rebukes to set you on the right path, because Jesus was already wounded for you:

But He was pierced [wounded in KJV] through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all
To fall on Him. (Isaiah 53:5-6)

May the Holy Spirit partner with this teaching to turn your woundedness into a healing and a blessing!

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